Confessions of a Gymboree Dropout

Finn is no longer a member at Gymboree.   He was warming up slowly to whole concept, but then I dragged him and the Captain to an open gym session.   It was total chaos.   A bunch of kids flinging themselves around at warp speed with, naturally, the ones with coughs and drippy noses chewing on mats, balls and other kids.  Finn clung to my leg and stared in utter disbelief.  We managed to get him to crawl on some stuff a bit, but he was not thrilled about it.   

Two days later,  Daddy and Finn were laid up with vicious colds.   Nasty stuff.   Now, I am not a total germ phobe.  I don’t dip the kid in Purel or chase him around with wipes.   My general theory about germs is based upon Orson Wells’ War of the Worlds.    The aliens arrive and are unstoppable.  Our guns, tanks and planes are no match.   It seems that we are doomed.   Then something happens,  the aliens start dropping like flies.   They are defeated by an unlikely foe, bacteria.   Unlike humans, they have no immune system, which has developed over thousands of years.    In short, germs are good.  We need them to be able to fight a good fight.   I realize that this theory is somewhat flawed in that War of the Worlds is a work of fiction.   It was, however, convincing enough to fool thousands of listeners into thinking that we were actually being attacked when it first aired. 

After some debate,  we decided that Slymboree was not for us.   I was surprised by my decision given my aforementioned War of the World theory on germs,  but having a sidelined father and baby for almost two weeks makes you think about the situations in which you put your kid.   If Finn was lovin’ the joint,  it might have been a different story.    Truthfully,  I was the one that loved it with all the bright colors and cool equipment.  

He has been getting his workouts in our basement instead.   We pull all the cushions off the sofa and create a super maze.   I remember doing this as a kid with my Dad and building all types of cool forts with blankets and chairs.  Finn squeals with delight: the reaction I had been hoping for at Gymboree.     

After his workout,  he takes a steam.   This is mostly to help with his congestion,  but he seems to be very refreshed afterwards.   As he and his father emerge from the bathroom  trailed by a steamy cloud,  the Captain announces, “Finn would like his white terry robe and Evian now, please”.