Say Your Prayers

August 17, 2008

Finn says the Hail Mary. Every night we tuck him in and he says, “Maybe say the Holy Mary.” Initially, he would just fill in the last word of each sentence, but he now he can say the entire thing. We get him started with a simple “Hail” and he recites the whole prayer loud and clear. He recites it so loud and clear that the Captain whisked him out of the pew at God’s House for praying too loud.

After the Hail Mary comes “God Bless.” This is where he goes through his list of his main people. “Nina” (a combo of Nana and Tina), the Captain’s mother, has occupied the pole position as first in the prayer list for several months followed most often by Murphy-Girl (the dog). He runs through the list of his important people throwing in an occasional inanimate object like “tractor” or “golf ball club”. It is like the episode of Seinfeld about being first on the speed dail. Everyone clamours to see how they rank. Nonno and Nonnie creep up the list post train ride or “road twip” in the convertible. Recently, Aunt Cowween was bumped by his great Aunt Wisa who bestowed a bubble mower on the young lad catapulting her to first on the list for a few evenings. A devastated Aunt Cowween exclaimed “Oh no! How much is this going to cost me?”

Seriously, we don’t know what the fuss is all about since most of the time the Captain and Mommy don’t even make the list.

Big Present

July 9, 2008

For the past few weeks we have been telling Finn, “If you poopie in the potty, you will get a big present.”

Big Present

Big Present

So the question is did he get a big present or did we?
Finn saved the “present” in the toilet, watched out the window for Dad’s come up the front walk, then took his father’s hand and guided him to the bathroom.   Finn grinned broadly and gestured to the bowl.    We couldn’t be prouder.
After dinner, we went to The Circle Store (aka Target).   Finn chattered endlessly about the poopie and the big present interchangeably.   He roamed the aisles carefully examining the prospects.  Ultimately, he selected a tennis racket.  He practiced whacking a couple of balls and shouted “Oh Wow” with each lob shot.  
The racket and some balls only ran about $15 bucks since that was not my idea of a “big present”, I steered the Captain over to the fishing poles and asked him to spring for one.   
It started to rain as soon as we arrived home.  The kid was crushed so we headed to the basement for Finn to run down some shots.  We’ll try out the fishing pole at Tommy’s Pond this weekend.
He was wiped out from all the excitement, but he managed to leave a “little present” in the potty before heading off to bed.

All Good Things Come to an End

April 10, 2008

Finn called me Mommy today.   He stood at the top of the steps and clearly bellowed, “Mommy!” Devastated, I peered up at him as he repeated, “Mommy”.    It was the first (and the second) time he ever called me anything, but Mama.   I’ve become desperately attached to his little “Mama” uttered in a petite French accent.  Since he is neither petite or French, it is super cute.

When pressed by excessive begging on my part,  he reverts to Mama but the damage has been done.  He is growing up and there is simply nothing that I can do about it. 

When Dada got home,  he promised us ice cream if we ate a good dinner which was the least he could do considering that he is still Dada.   We strolled into town under the just blooming Bradford pears.    Families were out in force taking advantage of the first really warm day by making their way to What’s the Scoop (aka The Scoop).    I sprung Finn from his seat and he pressed his face against the case saying “Green One” to the Mint Chip and then “That One” to the swirly Superman Vanilla, but then he spotted …. the cone.  I looked at John and he shrugged.   I ordered a Baby Soft Vanilla in the flat bottom cake cone.   

Finn grasped the cone like a pro and held it straight up.   He took a cautiously lick and a WIDE grin spread across his sweet face.     I deposited him on a metal chair in front of the Scoop figuring it would only be a second or two before he was racing up and down the sidewalk with the other kids without jackets.    To our surprise,  he sat placidly engrossed in his cone with a sticky white mustache.  Armed with a fistful of napkins,  I hovered about to no avail.   He didn’t need them.   He managed the cone brilliantly and even …. SHARED.   Shocking, I know. 

Gone are the delicious little rolls in the wrist and the roundess of his belly is dwindling, but as I watched my big boy in his 3T jeans and size 7 sneakers almost dangling over the edge of the metal chair,  I realized something.  I am happy he is growing up and becoming a fine lad, but I still want him to call me Mama.


Ice, Ice Baby

March 11, 2008

Finn went sledding in VT.   We bundled the kid within an inch of his life and headed for a spot the locals sled behind the Equinox hotel on the grounds of an old Seminary.   It is not for the faint of heart especially when freshly coated with ice from the prior night’s storm.   Since Dada is in charge of all things dangerous, he tested the run in a red plastic missle borrowed from our friend’s mountain retreat.   Declaring the site sled-worthy,  Dada wedged the little blue-clad man between his legs.  Since Mama is in charge of commerating all feats of daring, she slid down the icy slope on her dupey “to get the shot”

Regretably, we only took a few runs on account of the vicious wind and the boy’s red cheeks.   We dashed to the warmth of Up for Breakfast where the tot perched between us double-fisted scrammble from Dada’s plate and buttermilk pancakes from Mama’s.  

Stuffed and Windburned,  he barely made it to highway for the drive home before commencing to snore like a lumberjack.    Since returning home,  Finn reinacts sledding complete with “Wheee” and “Kkkkrrr” sound effects mimicking the icy conditions.

Sounds Fishy to Me

February 7, 2008

Ishmael “Ish” Kane went to God on Tuesday morning.   Authorities are calling the death suspicious and a full inquiry has be called.   

Finn P. Kane,  the lead investigator on the case,  at a conference with members of the press indicated,  “We have named one Colleen Mary Kane as the chief suspect.    Ms. Kane is also known to conduct her affairs under various alias such as Aunt Colleen and Kissy Monster.   On or about,  Sunday February 3,  Aunt Colleen visited the Kane residence bringing contraband seashells which she introduced to Ishmael Kane’s glass bowl.   The salt of the said seashells upset the gentle ecosystem of Ish’s world and ultimately he succumbed.   Ms. Kane denies any wrongdoing saying she was only trying to help decorate.  

Investigator Finn P. Kane also added,  “We have reason to believe that Ms.  Kane did not act alone.  Her accomplice, Mrs. Tina Kane, alias Nana,  willfully and knowingly supplied her daughter with the said seashells.    When I spoke with her from her hideaway in Palm Beach,  she defended her actions stating,  ‘I thoroughly scrubbed those shells.'”   

The Captain and Mama are also implicated for staging a cover-up.   Mama disposed of the body via lavatorial expulsion and cleaned the crime scene.    The Captain absconded under cover of darkness on the evening of the day in question and procured a replacement fish at Petco.   The following morning,  Mama disclosed to the Captain in a whispered phone call, “I think we fooled him.” 

We hauled them in for questioning and Mama folded like a house of cards.  The Captain, however, expressed no remorse for his involvement and stated,  “My only regret is that we were outside the two week guarantee window.”

Call me Ishmael

January 14, 2008

Finn has a Fish…an “ish” to be exact.   ish has been a new addition to the vocabularly for several weeks.  I determined that Finn needed an actual fish as reinforcement.    

“What would we call it?” the Captain asked as if settling on a name might deter me. 

“Ishmael” I replied with out skipping a beat, “Ish for short.”  

With obvious reference to the famous opening line to Melville’s Moby Dick,  Ish is destined to have many epic adventures.

With a name settled,  we headed to Petco (where the pets go) to acquire what is likely to be the first in a series of family pets for Finn.     

Hoping to get off cheap,  Captain Ahab was first drawn to the school in the tank marked 29 cents, however, the clerk diverted his attention to the 99 cent tank since these fish come with a two week guarantee (bonus!) Captain Ahab quickly gathered a round glass bowl,  food, special drops that turn tap water to fish water in seconds (he was very excited about these) while Finn and Mama concentrated on rocks.   Finn loves rocks and carefully regarded each option before selecting the florescent combo of shocking pink, flaming orange, “Lello and Geen”.   Are fish color blind?  I hope so. 

All together we are into it for about $20 bucks ($18.99 if the fish kicks it in the first two weeks).  Which is quite possible considering Ish barely makes it out of the parking lot.   I am sitting in the back with Finn dangling before him Ish in a Petco issue plastic baggy.  Finn is chattering away in his secret language and I swear Ish nodding in agreement.  Suddenly, Finn grabs the very edge of the plastic baggy bag where the unspecting Ish is swimming and gives a squeeze.  “No,” I yelp yanking the bag from his chubby grasp.   Ish swirls about the bag but is miraculously unharmed.   Captain Ahab is already shouting, “What’s going on back there?   Is that fish dead already?” 

We arrive home unscathed and set up Ish’s new home.  Finn runs out in his Bear slippers to greet his pet with a “Hi Ish”.   He been very excited to feed Ish “just a little bit” for breakfast and a tiny snack for dinner.  He giggles each time Ish surfaces with a gapping mouth to suck in the flakes.   He immitate Ish eating and swimming about his bowl.   He takes every guest by the hand to be properly introduced to the tiny orange member of our family.   He bids goodnight with a “Bye Ish” at the close of the day.   Things are just swimming along.

Today, however, we almost had a death in the family.    I sat Finn on the counter to observe as I cleaned Ish’s bowl.   We transfered Ish to a Tupperware and set him on the counter.   I chatted with Finn while I removed and washed his beloved day-glo rocks and scrubbed the bowl down.    I was just about finished filling the bowl with fresh water when Finn dumped the makeshift bowl into the sink.   I shrieked and stuck my hand into the rubber garbage disposal cover saving a flippy Ish from certain death.   Without thinking I yelled, “Finn!  You almost killed Ish.”  My little boy burst into tears.  I transferred Ish to the fresh water.   Dazed,  he swam slowly at first.   He bounced back quickly and darted about.  I gathered Finn up and hugged him, “I am sorry that I scared you, Finn.  Ish is ok, Look.  I know you were only trying to help.”

Unfortuately for Finn,  my parenting (unlike Petco) does not come with any money back guarantees.

In Good Company

December 22, 2007

Finn gave his Godparents a run for their money recently.  

Uncle Joe took his first shift as a babysitter a few weeks back.  I attended a conference in the afternoon while the boys played at home.   Before leaving, I warned Uncle Joe that the daily poop was imminent and gave him some brief instructions on the diaper change emphasizing the importance of holding up Finn’s legs to keep the mess minimal.   He looked a little nervous, but oddly intrigued by the challenge.  At 3:35,  I received a text message stating simply “Poopie Diaper”.   When I called in for the dirty details, Uncle Joe reported through his laughter,  “Finn was a huge help.  I had take my hands off his legs to get out the wipes, but he just held them up there for me.”   As if to say,  “Hey man, your an amateur so I am going to cut you some slack.”

Last weekend, Aunt Colleen had a “Sweepover” with the young lad so Mama and Dada headed into the city for some holiday cheer.    When the Captain called to check in,  she said,  “I can’t talk now.  We are too busy dancing.  He never even noticed you left. Bye.”   When we arrived back to her place,  Finn was snoozing away peacefully on the pull out sofa next to his Aunt.   She graciously gave up her bed to us.   Around 1AM,  I heard a muffled cry.   I started searching around the apartment since I couldn’t really identify where it was coming from.  It turns out the wiggle worm edged his way to the top of the bed and slipped down between the back of the sofa and the mattress.   It was clear he wasn’t hurt and was more annoyed than anything.   Aunt Colleen and I could not stop laughing as we extricated the little fella from the sofa’s clutches. 

Aunts & Uncles are the best!  

One, Two, Tree

December 19, 2007

In true Kane fashion, we put the lad to work.  He makes it look so easy.  


He assembled the tree stand with minimal cursing.  Maybe he can teach his Nonno a thing or two.


He selected a fine specimen at Boro Hardware that met the Captain’s high standards.


He dragged the tree across Middlesex Ave and into the house.  


“Mama, my work here is done.  You better pitch in and get this thing decorated. I’m exhausted”

Away in a Manger

December 17, 2007

Finn has been learning about the nativity.   Each night we review critical players in our manger scene.   So far the donkey is his favorite.   He points to the small grey wood animal and says “Orse” or occasionaly just “Hor” prompting a cringe and a gentle correction from Mama, “Say Donkey, Finn”.    We better not tell Monsignor Louis about that one. 

We bundled Finn up last week and walked to St. Francis to see the manger outside the Cathedral.    Finn pointed to the plaster figures and reviewed each with Mama.    He was disappointed to find that there were only lambs and no donkey on the scene.   He pointed feverishly as if to say “What’s the big idea?  Where’s the Orse?”.   To make matters worse,  there was no Baby Jesus either.   I explained that Baby Jesus would be laid in the manger on Christmas day.  Finn sighed and settled back in the stroller to be escorted home.

Just down the street from his grandparents, there is a church that mounts a living manger each season complete with sheep, a donkey and a llama (posing as a camel for good measure) .   Just wait until he gets a load of that.

Doe a Deer a Female Deer

December 13, 2007

Finn watched Rudolf last week.   He sat contentedly in Mama’s lap quietly observing the reindeer games.   He crossed his legs and reclined mildly amused by the tiny animated reindeer making their first attempts at flight.  

All that changed when she appeared on the screen: 


He started gesturing wildly saying, “OH! OH! OH!”

I am quite sure he would have said, “Clarise is Hot.” 

I am officially jealous of furry woodland creature,  but who can blame him.   Those eyes.  That button nose.   Sporting nothing but a polka dot bow.

Since that day,  he has been practicing take offs and landings with a stuffed Rudolf/Puppy from his Aunt Colleen.   Finn makes a high-pitched sound immitating the “I’m Cute.  She says I’m Cute” which Rudolf exclaims after Clarise confesses her love thus propelling him to perform his first aerial feat.  Clearly,  Finn is preparing for a chance encounter with his beloved Clarise.