Confessions of a Gymboree Dropout

Finn is no longer a member at Gymboree.   He was warming up slowly to whole concept, but then I dragged him and the Captain to an open gym session.   It was total chaos.   A bunch of kids flinging themselves around at warp speed with, naturally, the ones with coughs and drippy noses chewing on mats, balls and other kids.  Finn clung to my leg and stared in utter disbelief.  We managed to get him to crawl on some stuff a bit, but he was not thrilled about it.   

Two days later,  Daddy and Finn were laid up with vicious colds.   Nasty stuff.   Now, I am not a total germ phobe.  I don’t dip the kid in Purel or chase him around with wipes.   My general theory about germs is based upon Orson Wells’ War of the Worlds.    The aliens arrive and are unstoppable.  Our guns, tanks and planes are no match.   It seems that we are doomed.   Then something happens,  the aliens start dropping like flies.   They are defeated by an unlikely foe, bacteria.   Unlike humans, they have no immune system, which has developed over thousands of years.    In short, germs are good.  We need them to be able to fight a good fight.   I realize that this theory is somewhat flawed in that War of the Worlds is a work of fiction.   It was, however, convincing enough to fool thousands of listeners into thinking that we were actually being attacked when it first aired. 

After some debate,  we decided that Slymboree was not for us.   I was surprised by my decision given my aforementioned War of the World theory on germs,  but having a sidelined father and baby for almost two weeks makes you think about the situations in which you put your kid.   If Finn was lovin’ the joint,  it might have been a different story.    Truthfully,  I was the one that loved it with all the bright colors and cool equipment.  

He has been getting his workouts in our basement instead.   We pull all the cushions off the sofa and create a super maze.   I remember doing this as a kid with my Dad and building all types of cool forts with blankets and chairs.  Finn squeals with delight: the reaction I had been hoping for at Gymboree.     

After his workout,  he takes a steam.   This is mostly to help with his congestion,  but he seems to be very refreshed afterwards.   As he and his father emerge from the bathroom  trailed by a steamy cloud,  the Captain announces, “Finn would like his white terry robe and Evian now, please”.  


6 Responses to “Confessions of a Gymboree Dropout”

  1. Dad Says:

    Minor correction: the author of War of the Worlds was H.G. Wells. Orson Welles narrated the now famous radio broadcast of Wells’ War of the Worlds in 1938. Many listeners thought it was a real invasion by the Martians and a general panic resulted, particularily in New York and New Jersey. Some people think that aliens reside in those states even today.

  2. raisingkane Says:

    As always, I stand corrected by my father. Thanks for setting me straight, Cliff. Buy Norm a beer for me.

  3. Jules Says:

    Your dad and my dad sound very much alike.

    Just wait till Finn and the Captain go on some boyscout camping trip and the kid in the top bunk eats too many Cheetos for dinner and…

    … sorry, I was about to hijack your blog with this really long drawn out story about boyscout camping horror germ stories, but thought better of it.

  4. Mrs. De Says:

    Leah and John: As always, your blog brings joy to my day. However, I was a bit concerned when you admitted publicly that our Finn Patrick needed to “withdraw” from his first educational experience. This will not look good during the college application process. In turn, I strongly recommend removal of this blog confession because one never knows how far back college admissions personnel will search for history of applicants. If I am still breathing God’s air in 18 years, I will certainly do my best to intercede on Finn’s behalf.

  5. raisingkane Says:

    Mrs. De, as a former dean, we will clearly take your guidance under advisement. We are hoping that Finn’s extra-cirruculars including but not limited too Drama, Screach and Debate, and Bee-Bop Band Camp will be enough to pad his application.

  6. Kelly Says:

    You are sooo right, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who has purposefully kept my children from activities due to the illness-fallout. I’d be all for exposing them to germs and such, if it didn’t take two weeks for them to be all better. The last time I took them to the library for storytime, both came down with the stomach bug. We haven’t been back since!

    (There’s nothing like rotavirus to keep parents perpetually afraid of re-entering public!)

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